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Remember that scene in Pretty Woman?
The one where Julia Roberts goes back to the boutique that wouldn’t help her and tells the rude salesperson, “Big mistake. Big. Huge.“?
It’s one of my favorite scenes ever in a movie. Who hasn’t wanted to do that to someone who has been rude to them? I’ve played that out more times and in more circumstances than I can count.
And right now, I’m sort of playing both roles.
My big mistake?
That blood test I had done for Celiac and gluten-intolerance a month or so ago.
I went in knowing how completely inaccurate those tests can be.
And that on every list of gluten-sensitivity symptoms, I have the vast majority of them.
I went in knowing that for three years, I’ve controlled those symptoms with a gluten-free diet.
I went into that blood test with my husband suggesting it wasn’t a good idea, that he was worried about what it might do to all of my progress if they came back negative.
But I did it anyway.
Those symptoms I’ve been controlling for three years haven’t been as controlled with just diet anymore. I’ve had more pain, more emotional instability, and more exhaustion than I have for a very long time. In light of how stressful this year has been – two deaths that hit way too close, one child with chronic pain issues and another with developmental ones, both spanning the entire school year – I’m not sure why I was surprised.
I kept telling myself that regardless of what the tests said, I knew what gluten, and to a lesser extent grains, did to my body and to my psyche. But I also knew that if I did test positive for Celiac, there were a few things I could clean up even more that might make a bit of a difference.
The results came back negative. So did blood tests for inflammation markers. And everything else I was tested for, including a CT scan and an MRI.
I’m thankful to know that I don’t have all of those big scary diseases my doctor tested me…but those gluten based tests have really messed with me, in a way I thought I was prepared for them not to.
I’ve spent the month since my results came back eating everything in sight.
Gluten, sugar, processed garbage – you name it, and I’ve probably eaten it.
It can’t possibly make me feel any worse has been my motto as I’ve stuffed my face with pizza and sourdough bread and grilled cheese sandwiches…all the while bursting into tears at a commercial on the radio, snapping at everyone around me, complaining that the twitching in my limbs just keeps getting more unbearable and finding myself staying home more and more because of the muscle pain.
Big mistake.
Big.
Huge.
Because when I decide to eat food thinking it can’t possibly make me feel worse, I’m also choosing not to eat the food that nourishes. The food that, even when it feels like it isn’t helping, definitely isn’t causing more harm.
Three years of n=1 experimentation went down the drain because of one vial of blood. All of those Whole30’s I’ve undertaken and books I’ve read and everything I’ve learned about living in this body and with my emotions were ignored because of a doctor’s report.
Big mistake.
Big.
Huge.
But one I can change.
I’m remembering all of those successful changes I made and what a significant difference diet plays in my physical and emotional health. For now, I’m simply focusing on eating gluten and dairy free, and shooting for mostly grain free. We’re moving in 21 days and will be taking a two week road trip at the end of July…so those thoughts I keep having about starting a Whole30 or GAPS just aren’t reasonable right now.
I do regret that blood work, but even more I regret how I chose to respond to it.
And that, I can change too.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
Image may be NSFW.Clik here to view.
